Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
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