Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
