Only a mothe r could love this liver
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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