Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
