I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
