your room smells of hookers.
And success
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
