Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize