you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
