Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
