He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
there's paper in my vomit.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
