He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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