why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
