break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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