she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
