You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
