considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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