just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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