i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
