I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
