What a fucking waste of an outfit
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
