I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
