My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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