Im at strip club and am horny
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize