he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
