I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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