no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
