my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
i think my cat just said my name.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
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