So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
