i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
