my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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