we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
