i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize