i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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