I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
this just has baby written all over it
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
