Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I wish there were birth control emojis
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
