I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
i think i just lost a toe
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