The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
