So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
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