this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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