I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
