My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
