but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
