i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
