she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
