My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
