Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
