Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
