My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
