That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize