well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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