i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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