It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
