Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
