how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
