Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
