So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
