You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
