i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
