Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
