If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
