Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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