every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You have to summon your inner elephant
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
