After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
