my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
