It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize