It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
