Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize